All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Spam

I recently received a fascinating, yet quite unsolicited, proposition via email. The details aren't important; suffice it to say that there is no commitment required on my part, and my credit is not an issue.

The fascinating part was the random verbiage placed at the end of the missive in an attempt to fool the spam filters. It read as follows:

"Pigs feel that insects shun the horses. Veterans sift through the garbage of actors. Many dinosaurs take care of monsters. Guys interfere with truck drivers. Old maids ignore deep sea divers. Marsupials supervise stenographers. Gerbils are more fun than herpetologists. Gurus are always running into sunbathers."

I was deeply moved by these words -- so much so that I was sorely tempted to validate my information within my solicitor's secure and private database, thereby ensuring their records' accuracy and up-to-date-ed-ness.

Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed. Or rather, my head prevailed after a suitable cool-off period. I'm afraid that within the vast nether regions of cyberspace wallows a sad and lonely database, perhaps a single delicious record away from up-to-date-ed-ness nirvana.

Still, I can't help but wonder what might have been... After all, gerbils are more fun than herpetologists.